Vall's story of loooove for Orochimaru
by Stubbi the Humble Chimneysweep
Summary: The title says it all...How long it'll be before this gets torn down?


Vall's story of Looooove for Orochimaru!

by uchihachik

Once upon a time, in a land we shall call...Narutoland, there was a girl named Vall. Vall was walking down the street, wondering how the HELL she had gotten into this so-called "Anime-world", she was too spaced out to realize that she had bumped into this guy...or..it. This...person looked kinda like a girl..he (Yes, it turns out he WAS a guy.) had long black hair, and it was all shiny...His skin was an odd gray-ish colour, and he had creepy yellow eyes.

"Watch where your going!" She yelled to him.

He cocked an eyebrow. This girl was intruiging him. She DARED to even touch him. It may have been an accident that she had touched him, but he felt that, since Sasuke was currently neglecting to show up at their lair at night, he should find someone else to...How would he phrase it?..."Relate with." Sasuke was all fine and well, but he was always asleep early at night, and even if he was awake, he refused to even come near him.

Let's get OUT of these...wrong thoughts and go back to our...uhh...hero, Vall.

Anyways, Vall was stunned by the sheer...awesomeness of this guy.

"Sorry." he replied. But, unlike any sensible person, which he was not, might I add, he didn't walk away as if it were nothing, but he provoked the conversation.

"So, you're a ninja?..." he gestured to her Konoha forehead protector.

"Yeah. You?" Vall asked.

"Uh-huh." The guy replied.

"You're from Oto?" Vall asked.

"Yep." he answered.

"I've got a friend from Oto..." Vall stated.

"Ah. Any chance you can tell me her name? I know most ninjas from my village...I might know her." he prompted.

"Kady Mayo?" Vall asked.

"Yes. I know her. She left for Konoha with her brothers a few years ago. What is she now, Jounin?"

"Yeah! Wow! You do know her!" Vall exclaimed.

"Now, I hate to repeat myself, but any chance you can tell me _your_ name?" he asked.

"Yeah, Vall Meisenbacher." Vall replied.

"I'm Orochimaru."

"Cool name. It seems to ring a bell."

"Ah. It might." he said nervously. If she recognized his name, that might ruin his chance at actually meeting and speaking to a female of the _human_ race. No more snakes. Rochelle the Mamba might've turned the other female snakes against him...She must've heard him when he talked in his sleep about Sasuke...God, I pity that kid...

Anyhow, Vall and Oro talked, and talked, and talked...

Three days laaaaateeeerr!

"So, where do you wanna meet?" Vall asked.

"In fifteen minutes, you must come to my lair." Oro replied.

"Lair?"

"Yes, lair."he replied. "Big huge cave, outside Konoha...Near the Akatsuki hideout..."

"I know where the Akatsuki hideout is!" Vall replied. "Kady showed me it."

"How?"

"She said she joined some club, and this is where they always met." Vall replied.

"She's in Akatsuki!" Oro exclaimed.

"Yeah. She says it's really cooool..."

"I was in Akatsuki once." Oro said, remembering back to the "Good Ol' Days"...

"Okay," Fifteen minutes had passed, so now they had to meet in Oro's...lair. "How about I just take you to my lair?" he suggested.

"That works." Vall replied.

Then, later that day...

"Will you go out with me?" Orochimaru suddenly posed the question that had been nagging at him all day.

"S-Sure." Vall replied. And the held hands and skipped off into the horizon. But the story doesn't end here...!

Oro skooched closer to Vall. They were currently on that first date(Still!), and they were sitiing on the edge of the roof of a building, looking out at the night sky. Oro looked around and noticed a farmiliar looking girl clad in the Akatsuki uniform was there with...A certain black-haired, teenage, Akatsuki member.(Three quesses who!Jeopardy song starts playing) They must've been here on a date, too. Oro began to feel a rivalry between him and Itachi. The contest was: "Who could be more charming on a date?" Therefore, Oro skooched closer to Vall in an attempt to beat Itachi. But Itachi and his date, who just so happened to be Kady, were already in _very_ close proximity. Oro heard Itachi talk quietly and then kiss Kady, who kissed him back. Oro decided to make his move. He placed an arm around Vall and leaned towards her, he kept leaning, and then kissed her. Then suddenly, Gaara appeared and said. "Stay away from my girlfriend." and picked up Vall before disappearing in a puff of sand. Orochimaru frowned. he watched the stars some more and then came to realization.

Dramatic background music begins playingHe was gay.

As soon as he dealt with his sexual preferances, he came to terms with the fact that he is a homosexual. Therefore, when he was on that date with Vall, the one he was _really_ looking at was Itachi. Itachi's date noticed this and walked over to a daydreaming Orochimaru and beat the shit outta him.

When Vall was with Gaara, it finally came to her. These people did not exist, therefore, she had gone on a date with a piece of paper. This seemed illogical to her, so she simply tuned the fact out of her mind, and enjoyed her time with Gaara.

Then Gaara proposed to her, so they got married and had 16 children. Their names were John Smith, John Smith II, John smith III, John Smith IIII, John Smith V, John Smith VI, John Smith VII, John Smith VIII, Mike Dirnt Jr., Mike Dirnt Jr. II, Mike Dirnt Jr. III, Moolaflaga, Willenwerk, Moobs, Doogenshnern, and Dude.

Then, when Vall finally realized she was happy in Narutoland, she was warped back to real life and married to a kid named Bobby Isaacs. Then, they had 17 children who's names were John Smith, John Smith II, John smith III, John Smith IIII, John Smith V, John Smith VI, John Smith VII, John Smith VIII, Mike Dirnt Jr., Mike Dirnt Jr. II, Mike Dirnt Jr. III, Moolaflaga, Willenwerk, Moobs, Doogenshnern, Dude, and Tight, spandex-suited faggot Oompa Loompa.

**The End.**

**Hey, it's uchihachik. This fic is a revenge story. My friend, Vall set me an infernal joke story concerning myself and a hidiously ugly he/she named Rchy Ulman. I hate him soooo much so I wrote a revenge fic. MWA HA HA HA!**

**cough**

**So, yeah.**

**uchihachik**


End file.
